Protected: New Worries

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Real Group is really GOOD!!

The song is words by a Swedish A Cappella group Real Group.. they’re really good and i really love the lyrics

Words

words, a letter and a letter on a string will hold forever humanity spellbound
words, posession of the beggar and the king, everbody, every day, you and i, we all can say

words regarded as a complicated tool - created by man, implicated by mankind
words, obsession of the genius and the fool
everybody, every day, everywhere and every way

oh, words
find them, you can use them, say them, you can hear them
write them, you can read them, love them, fear them

words, transmitted as we’re fitted from the start - recieved by all and we’re sentenced to a life with words, impression of the stupid and the smart
everybody, every day, you and i, we all can say

words, inside your head can come alive as they’re said
softly, loudly, modestly, and proudly
words, expression by the living and the dead
everybody, every day, everywhere and every way

oh, words
find them, you can use them, say them you can hear them
write them, you can read them, love them, fear them…

*SCAT SECTION*

…Find them, use them, say them, hear them, write them, read them, love them, fear them

*chorus*

words, a letter and a letter on a string

I miss having my own place..

i figured after staying a while on my own i realli think having my own place is great.. i love cleaning up after myself, i love doing my own cooking, i love having my friends take care of me while i’m sick, i love being alone and not be with the family..

after i moved home i’ve been doing laundry everynight.. everynight i fold and iron the clothes and place them on top of the piano to be kept in drawers by my mom and 5 days later i’ll still see them piling higher and higher on the piano.. i really don’t understand WHY ARE THEY SO LAZY!!! i already help them fold and iron and realli only God knows how tiring that is.. and all i need them to is to keep the clothes!! izzit very hard!!!

i hate it that my sister whenever she’s unhappy throw tantrum at home.. and i hate it that my mom throws and tantrum and hurls hurting words and insults whenever she is upset and trust me, she’s upset about every little thing.. i hate it that she takes it for granted that i’ll be here to do all the chores for her and she doesn’t need to do anything.. i mean i don’t mind helping out but i don’t appreciate you just sitting around and not doing anything nor offering to help when i’ve been ironing for the past 5 hours.. you’re mom i’m not.. i want to behave like a spoilt brat like the other kids at my church where mom does most and ironing your own clothes is helping mom out.. i’m tired.. i can’t clean the study, clean me and my sister’s room and help my sister clear out her mess, i can’t do laundry everynight and stack and iron them and then the next morning when my sister picks up something from the piano messes everything up again..

i’m only human.. and i need to find a job.. i’m tired.. i want to move out.. i want a clean house, and i really want to find a place where people don’t keep hurling insults at each other.. i don’t want to stay in this horrible place… i’m depressed..

YSA Convention

it’s good.. i’m glad it’s over coz i’m so tired during the convention.. but i’m glad i went even though the day before i almost didn’t want to go renew my passport so i couldn’t go.. it was my logistic nightmare!! not to mention i met a few freaky people but i’m glad due to the convention i managed to strengthen my friendship with ling and sumin and my ward members..

i think my testimony grew due the conflict and i was so devastated i prayed for help and strength just when i was about to step out joanne just called my name and wanted to slide a note under my door.. it’s so great coz i was just praying about it and in less than 30 seconds help appeared just in front of my door..

i see a lot more things about people around me and i know more people a bit better.. at least now i can talk to andrew and other people better.. andrew look like he’s the boss of the gambling den but they’re actually playing blockers..

i’m glad my church stuff finalli came to an end.. the musical, mother’s day, convention.. and i’m not sure if the prompting is right.. ok.. i rephrase my sentence.. i’m sure the prompting is right but i’ve no guts to implement it now.. it doesn’t help that my dad is facing financial problems now at work.. but i’m not sure if going on mission help because when if i go on a mission Heavenly Father will watch over my family for me because He knows i care about my family a lot.. it’s a big problem itself.. because of my “bargain” with Heavenly Father i can’t pray because i know if i pray and the answer is “yes” then i’ll have to do it now.. sigh… but anyway my ward ysas are cool~~~ and of course i look slim in this photo..

Tagged~~

DO YOU PREFER…
1. To watch or to participate?
i really prefer to participate, i can’t do 1 thing at a time so watching too much will be too boring for me.. unless it’s something like extreme sport.. i’ve a weak heart, unless challenged, i’ll not do anything extreme ( i can’t turn down a challenge, it’s just one of my biggest weakness).. watching extreme stuff already makes my palms sweat, actually just thinking about while typing this post my palms have already turned cold slightly..

2. Malls, catalogue shopping or the Internet?
internet. i hate it when sales girl tag around non stop, i feel embarassed when people do that so internet is good enough.. and another reason was i can’t go to orchard road without fearing of bumping into my ex.. so i don’t realli like crowds.. i’ll over come the fear of meetin my ex after i get a new bf.. do pray for me.. haha.. or maybe i’m just lazy.. there’s not much catalogue shopping in singapore

3. A bath of a shower?
a shower.. i always remember horror shows when they drown someone in the bath tub or when they kill someone and leave the person in bath tub.. but then shower there’s also cases of hot oil/ wax pouring out of the shower heads thus killing the victim.. maybe shower is the lesser of the 2 evils..

4. To talk to people by telephone, in person or by e-mail?
in person.. i love meeting people onli when i don’t feel ugly.. i used to like phone but after living in dorm for 3 years with limited talk time email works fine for me too..

5. Typing or writing?

writing.. i love to see my beautiful handwriting (haha not realli) but i think handwriting has a really nice sense of sincerity and thoughtfulness, i love to smell the pencil/ colour pencils.. typing is when i’m too lazy coz it’s just so much faster

i should not tag anyone.. feel free to email me if u’ve attempted it so i can drop by and take a look.. =)

I’M DONE WITH NUS!!!

i’m finalli done with my last paper.. i guess i’m really quite relieve now because this is the first time since sem 1 year 1 which i studied so hard.. nus has been a long journey for me.. so has hall.. let me reminisce about nus first..

i can still remember the pain of taking my A levels and how hard i studied.. it wasn’t easy for me since i’m studying last minute again.. after getting my results i was quite happie for myself.. but i thought i did ok because i studied last minute but apparently according to my teachers it wasn’t good enough to make it into any universities..

i remember when i told my dad he sat in the bedroom and cried for me.. maybe not cried for me.. but more like tears of disappointment.. my mom was trying to be nice about it by offering to get me a job.. i dunno.. some lousy job which only A levels can take.. but when letters of acceptance started appearing in my mail box it was realli realli realli good to see them.. they meant so much to me.. maybe more for my parents.. i’m glad i’m going into university but i had to come to nus because ntu wouldn’t give me the course i wanted..

coming to nus was really a great decision in my life.. maybe because at that period of time just before i came in.. dad and mom had a crazy argument which led to terrible things at home and i wasn’t allowed to cry because i had to be strong for my brother and sister.. i felt like my heart broke into a million pieces and i was depressed.. soon i was in a state of depression.. i didn’t like myself when i’m depressed but then again who does??

i told myself i need to pick myself up and get to know people.. be the friendly me again.. so i went for the orientation camps.. camps after camps and made a lot a lot a lot of new friends and eventually after being rejected from kent ridge hall and temasek hall i came into sheares hall..

year 1 in hall was the most terrible year.. i did so much and was very unappreciated.. everyone else matters except me.. i plough through swoc, pa camp, all the crazy sports, chingay dance.. everything i could think of to make the seniors and my hall mates like me better.. at the end of the day i was exhausted and nothing worked.. but i still had a very close bunch of friends who mattered a lot to me.. even under their good influence i didn’t study much.. my cap dropped like crazy..

year 2 was crazy year.. i moved up to level 7. it was a different type of fun but fun nonetheless but my grades were in a dire straits when i watched video after video on youtube and crunchyroll.. the eventual breakdown came when i failed 1 module when i was in year 3 sem 1.. i didn’t work hard and i was sick of wasting my life away.. this sem i’ve decided to work harder even though my cap is now quite hopeless but i told myself not to give up..

and now i just finished my last paper even though i didn’t study much for the last one.. i guess it’s was quite alright.. i really studied this sem, i went for classes, still didn’t do my tutorials.. but at least i complete most of my assignments way before due time.. i was prepared.. and for once in my life i didn’t come out of every exam feeling like shit and i didn’t go into my exam halls dreading the judgement day..

i’ve learnt a lot.. failed a lot.. gained a lot.. all in nus.. as i called my dad just now to beg him to come pick me and my stuff up i told him “i’m done with exams” and he just dismissed my statement with “har la har la” like what he always does but i can hear the smile in his voice over the phone.. his precious daughter has finally made it through the rough jc patches, survived sems after sems after sems and finally reached the end..

i know my dad is proud of me.. just pray hard he doesn’t see my grades properly..

thanks to my heavenly father too.. who watched over me and gave me the extra push when i thought i couldn’t make it.. and who blessed me with such a simple but wonderful family and friends in my life..

there’s no looking back at all those lousy grades.. i’ve to look forward to the next step in my life..

so i’m really looking forward what life has in store for me!! i’m excited about starting a new phase!! maybe one day when i can commit to strive to do better i’ll go back to school again..

Develop your right brain increases intelligence

today i went for lac lecture and the guest speaker talked about how to develop our right brain..

we should develop our right brain because in our lifetime we only use 4-5% of our brain cells whatever we don’t use will spoil and rot and die.. since we have so much power we should try to tap into all of them–> efficiency it’s an econs concept..

that’s when i realised that i’ve been actually using a lot of my right brain because i train myself to write with both hands and i also like to take different routes when coming back to hall, i tend to expose myself to changes quite rapidly..

and he was saying like how smart people are creative and quirky (some) because they’re utilizing more brain cells than normal people which explains why people like fangz, jan, toad are so smart.. i must be more quirky.. maybe i should draw a unibrow…. haha..

anyway just now the guest prof was shooting this guy down saying that although it’s smart to get into nus (left brain very developed) but we should develop our right brain too in fact if everyone hates you it’s hard for you to implement your ideas no matter how smart they are.. and EQ is a more useful thing than IQ.. and i was super impressed that he said it in such a calm manner and i was like woah.. but that guy’s an idiot.. he totally din get it.. no wonder everyone hates him…

and the guest speaker also said something like somethings if we keep wanting it we wouldn’t get it but if we just don’t try so hard things will come.. which i thought was very apt.. i kept praying and asking last time but i didn’t not have any.. and now i’ve so many.. but still not everyone is good.. i must still learn to filter with faith..

i wan to be smarter.. i want to do better..

Ramblings

Sometimes i wonder if i’m playing with fire.. anyway to you who are being heard, it’s true that i like you and by the way you mimic my actions i know you like me too. however your pride is just too much for me to take.. no doubt you’re really smart and cynical which fits me. but sometimes the other guys i attract are smart and nice which is better for me i think.. i need a guy with a lot of patience but you’re probably pushing it a bit too much sometimes.. i do love you.. as a friend.. ps is better for you.. she’s like the female version of him.. we’re two rough rocks, they’re like the water in the meandering river helping us smooth our rough personalities as they gently wash through us.. i’ll miss you..

actually i think despite all my ramblings heavenly father has a plan for me.. and he’ll execute the plan when time is right.. My time is in God’s hands, his plans for me will be good and will be accomplished right on schedule.. i must be patient and trust in the Lord..

Dear Lord.. thanks for putting things into perspective for me.. i realise when i read my scriptures everyday it helps to make my day better and puts things into the right direction for me.. thank thee Lord for guiding me.. the past few months has been very hard for me but i’m glad i pulled through with your grace.. i’m due to bear my testimony again~~ now is quite smooth sailing for me but i know i cannot be complacent if not i’ll slide backwards.. i must strive harder to keep thy commandments..

Many Many photos =)

i’m sick of looking at emo blog spot when i visit my blog.. i shall post happie photos =)

Charlene’s Wedding!! She’s so pretty lar!!

Congrats dear!!

Uniform Party cum senior farewell

Jumping shots makes me laugh happily!!

Amplitude! with Sheares Choir

Dance uncensored!!

the bus uncle charged them half price because they carried their own chair up the bus.. haha, fangxi look so happie!!

My New Orange Sari!!!

Suhui’s bdae!! i look realli realli pretty here.. coz foggy cannot see clearly!!

i’m smelling stress

it has been quite sometime since i posted.. my schedule is jam-packed and i haven’t had anytime for myself, normal days or sundays.. i haven slept enough, haven did enough work, haven spent more time reading scriptures or praying, haven spent more time with friends.. so where did my time go to? i’m not very sure myself.. i just know that i’m very tired and i kept missing classes which is a bad sign..

charlene’s wedding was awesome.. i met so many consonance members.. i really miss them all but it’s hard to join them again.. nonetheless i’m really grateful and glad for their friendship.. it reminded me of who i am really..

i’ve been hanging out with the reso people and meisi.. hanging out too much with meisi is bad.. technically we talk too much and don’t get anything done.. it’s bad because exams are nearer.. somedays she see me more than her boyfriend.. haha i love meisi and our gossip session.. but it’s just too taxing for my studies..

i keep missing convention meeting because i’m just too busy.. and things are falling apart.. my life is in a mess.. thank goodness cathy is helping me..

i need to get things done and i need to get going.. but first i need a good night’s rest.. 3.21am.. i hope i do get to sleep..